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The hardest part is reconciling with the fact that while you should live like today is your last, you must also figure out what happens when you don’t die tomorrow. “It’s irresponsible.” It’s even harder when you’re diagnosed with a terminal illness or cancer like Ezra, and then disciplining yourself to continue to think about the future. What he brings up around minute 10 is thought-provoking.

“It’s irresponsible.” That’s something I would have never told myself. Most definitely because it gives me an excuse to live [somewhat] recklessly.

It’s interesting because I’ve been going on about my life (and through this blog), for the most part hearing and advocating a way of life of risk-taking, going for it, and living like tomorrow is not guaranteed. While all of this is true and I still stand behind it all, watching this — puts me back on balance? It grounds me? I don’t know. I’m still processing it. Buzz phrase: It’s all about perspective. (Of course I watch a short film about a bike maker but it popped up on my Vimeo feed & you can’t deny it was beautifully shot.)

And then when Ezra said that the doctor told him that he couldn’t ride his bike, my heart dropped. How do you cope with something like that? First, being diagnosed with cancer and then being told that you couldn’t do something that you enjoyed so much, all in the same day. The way that he responded to this was both hilarious and courageous.

Among many of the things Ezra said, this resonated with me too: “Each portrait is like a moment in time.” He was referring to his daily self-portrait taking. He started to document after he was diagnosed. It’s true and obvious, but the words were framed so eloquently.

Anyway, if you want to watch it, watch it. Ezra has a blog, click this to read it. Image

I had to write this before the adrenaline and endorphins run out.

February 27th marked my “one-month” anniversary of exercising- in other words, I have consistently been exercising for a whole month. While I may reside with the outliers that do not exercise (or that’s how I feel), this is kind of a big deal. Rewind to 10th-grade-me and ask her if I exercise. She would say, “What’s that? What’s a gym? I have running shoes but I don’t use them.”

[Sidebar to sidebar: Cycling is different than running if you are thinking about that now]

Last-month-me struggled but oddly, I kept pushing through. I’ve been reading this book called The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business and it’s kind of my jam. I love reading books that are nonfiction. ALTHOUGH, I do have to say, I didn’t realize that this book would influence me like it has. There’s this thing called the “habit loop”, it’s fascinating, talk to me about it. I didn’t know that this book would prove something to me. (I know that’s weird to say, but it makes sense in my head) The first day is just as hard as the last day of the month and now I realize that it will be this way until I stop. This is a harsh reality (like many things in life, ha!).

But coming back from my first 5-mile run (YEAH BUDDY!), I’ve had a revelation of sorts: I GET IT. I GET IT, RUNNERS. Sort of. Although I’ve only been running for a month, I understand the solace you find in it (almost like the peace I find in grocery shopping). Granted, it’s slower than cycling and I feel like I get dehydrated much faster, but there is something different** about it.

For the first two weeks, I couldn’t break 3 miles and this was upsetting. I thought to myself, “I can break 5 miles on my bike easy, why is this so difficult?” But I kept going, the habit was slowly building, I wanted to see if this “habit loop” theory worked. Every time I found myself sitting idly on the computer surfing the internet, I got myself out of the house to run. I changed my cue of surfing the internet and sitting into running.

A month later, here I am, sitting in my sweat, writing this post. Does this mean the “habit loop” theory worked? What length of time constitutes a success? I don’t know, I haven’t finished the book! But here’s something different**: I like it. I feel a craving to run which is odd, because I usually feel a craving for bacon but now that’s now replaced with an apple. So maybe this theory is working, but it’s definitely something I cannot speak too soon about.

Note to loved ones: If I stop exercising, please throw an apple at me and get me to run or cycle, we all need a little help sometimes.

Note to runners: How do you stay hydrated? I usually make my route that passes water fountains but is there some secret you’re all holding out on me? Let me know.


One time I ran…to the Farmers Market so I could get a tamale. Oops.


I know, I know, I’ve been holding off this secret for quite a while. This is Sandy, my twin.
She’s the older one. In fact, she’s older than me by four years.
Okay, so she’s not my actual twin but we are definitely related by blood, apparent looks, and mannerisms. Since we were kids, I have been called “Sandy”, “Sandy 2.0”, “Sandy’s twin”, etc (we weren’t that creative with the twin names but you get the point). And as a kid, I didn’t know how to feel, Sandy was my only other girl cousin in our cousin cluster and so of course I wanted to hang out with her all of the time. When we grew into our adolescent stage and I was still mistaken for Sandy, I started to grow restless. “When would they stop?” I’d ask myself. I would get defensive and upset because of it too. Something about being an individual and there wasn’t any way I was similar to Sandy. I’m not a “Sandy Follower” (but really, we all were, we all still are).

Fast forward to present time, people still think Sandy and I look like twins. I feel like she’s got the better end of the stick considering she’s older than me but looks younger than she is (not because she’s old but… you know what I mean). But at the same time, I’ve come to realize how flattering it is to be mistaken for my cousin, for people to think we act the same. She’s talented, intelligent, fashionable, and is so beautiful! (I guess this is my Ode to Sandy, love you!)

Besides, it’s impossible to be so similar even if we were twins. Even twins have differences, no?

Side Sidebar: Reason #45 Sandy is awesome: She started an Apple-A-Day Club at her work. I’ve joined the club 1,700 miles away and you should join me too.