The hardest part is reconciling with the fact that while you should live like today is your last, you must also figure out what happens when you don’t die tomorrow. “It’s irresponsible.” It’s even harder when you’re diagnosed with a terminal illness or cancer like Ezra, and then disciplining yourself to continue to think about the future. What he brings up around minute 10 is thought-provoking.
“It’s irresponsible.” That’s something I would have never told myself. Most definitely because it gives me an excuse to live [somewhat] recklessly.
It’s interesting because I’ve been going on about my life (and through this blog), for the most part hearing and advocating a way of life of risk-taking, going for it, and living like tomorrow is not guaranteed. While all of this is true and I still stand behind it all, watching this — puts me back on balance? It grounds me? I don’t know. I’m still processing it. Buzz phrase: It’s all about perspective. (Of course I watch a short film about a bike maker but it popped up on my Vimeo feed & you can’t deny it was beautifully shot.)
And then when Ezra said that the doctor told him that he couldn’t ride his bike, my heart dropped. How do you cope with something like that? First, being diagnosed with cancer and then being told that you couldn’t do something that you enjoyed so much, all in the same day. The way that he responded to this was both hilarious and courageous.
Among many of the things Ezra said, this resonated with me too: “Each portrait is like a moment in time.” He was referring to his daily self-portrait taking. He started to document after he was diagnosed. It’s true and obvious, but the words were framed so eloquently.
Anyway, if you want to watch it, watch it. Ezra has a blog, click this to read it.
I finally saw Perks of Being a Wallflower (with the best little sister ever).
And there is that iconic statement that Charlie makes: “I feel infinite.”
I don’t believe that. We have limits, we have bounds, we have an end. But I also believe that we don’t have to restrict ourselves by those bounds or by those limits. In fact, I feel that we are increasingly pushed to reach for the impossible because here’s the thing: you are more powerful than you think you are. And that’s scary. Really scary. Because when you know you have that power, that potential- for some reason, you recoil and you get comfortable with what is around you. While there is nothing wrong with getting comfortable, those challenges, those bounds you push-after the fact you think to yourself, “Wow, I just did X.”
No matter how small the challenge, there is that spark. That’s living.
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all. –Oscar Wilde
I don’t want to exist. I want to live and as cheesy as it sounds, I want to feel infinite.