It’s been awhile since I’ve written about running, and it’s definitely because it’s been awhile since I did a proper run.

I went from running 4 times/week to maybe 1 time…if I’m lucky. I don’t know who is actually lucky in the scenario of running 1 time/week, I think the it’s a losing situation. It’s just so freaking hard! You guys, how did I run that half-marathon?

Easy, 1) I was signed up and it was non-refundable and 2) I was on Team Wilson and 3) Look at #1.

Personally, I’ve come to realize how hard it is to work at something, especially exercise-related, when you don’t have something to work for. Does that sound sad? Because I know when I run trails at Town Lake or in my parent’s neighborhood, there are people who run for reasons that are not race-related. There’s that health aspect blah blah blah it’s good to exercise, and there’s that habit thing that I used to have- something happened, and the thought of moving my legs make me irk.

My motivation is lost, I have “nothing” to work toward, but again- running is hugely mental. Right now, my mentality is in this state of defeat even before I walk out the door. So, what can I do to bring this motivation back without signing up for another race? Because I don’t want to have that association where I fall flat without doing a race, you know? I’m in this search, and for now I’m making a new playlist.

I think another thing (aside from the weather conditions) that has made running so hard is the expectation that I have for myself. Lately when I go on a run, I already tell myself, “What’s wrong with you? You can’t even break 3 miles? How did you run 13?” I think it really messes with my mentality to keep going. Aware of this, I try to combat it with positive thoughts like, “It’s fine. Slow. You have to build yourself back up and you didn’t go from 1 to 5 miles, overnight. You’re doing okay. Keep going.”

Left foot, right foot. Breathe.