I received this comment 2 days ago on my most recent Pixar Update post. It’s been about a month and a half in the process, a week since last week’s post, and yes I am still waiting. Sidebar: Thank you for your support Jane; I feel like the whole universe is rooting for me.
Coincidentally after I published that Pixar Update, 2 days later I received an email from a Pixar recruiter that I reached out to a week before. (Maybe they did hear me…Pixar is mysterious) She isn’t a part of University Relations, but she told me she sent my information to them and that they’ll be making final decisions in the next few weeks. She sent me this email 7 days ago. And then after I got that email, my application was finally looked at.
WELL, WHAT’S THE HOLD UP PIXAR?
If I published this and got a response back [like today, now, in 1 minute], I’d like to think I’d be okay with the answer. This whole month and a half, I’ve been teetering between “I have a chance” and “I probably blew it.” Only one thing can resolve this indecisive feeling, and there’s a chance that it’s going to be automated. (Can you tell that my optimism is slowly dwindling, and that I’m currently leaning toward “I probably blew it?”)
This month and a half as I teeter between these two extreme thoughts, I’ve also been fluffing my pillows (metaphorically speaking). Just in case I fall off the Pixar platform, I need a soft place to land. I have a track record of optimism that can be incomparable to the majority, and it’s difficult to bounce back from. I’m a dreamer and this time, I went after a big one.
But speaking of dreams, I’ve gone after some pretty big ones, some that didn’t come true the first time around. No matter, I kept going for it, and my dreams eventually came true (i.e. getting accepted in the best university IN THE WORLD). I don’t regret any of the rejections and my journey for a second. Sure, I missed some UT freshman traditions, but I created memories on the journey to become a longhorn, as a longhorn, and still do as I’m on the cusp of graduation. Memories that I know would be drastically different had I became a longhorn right off the bat.
But back to Pixar, back to dreams, I’m not sure where I stand or if my dream will come true in the next few weeks. The outcome, no matter what it is, I’m preparing by telling myself to keep moving forward (which is actually something my friend John B once told me after I had gotten one of my first rejections). These are the pillows I fall on, along with the unmeasurable amounts of encouragement that even strangers, like Jane, give me.
Pixar will still be my dream, it still is my dream, but somewhere in the dreamsphere, it might not be my time (yet)**.
**emphasis on “yet”
PS: I don’t know if my analogies actually make sense, let me know maybe?