Here’s a thing: Sometimes there are sidebars in life and I have to adapt
I know I keep disclaiming my posts before I write them, but I promise this is my final one… I think. Today’s disclaimer is: it’s about to get actually vulnerable, but I guess that just means that my blog is showing growth…
I often say “sidebar” in conversation. I would be in mid-sentence saying, “blah blah blah” then I say, “sidebar: yada yada yada.” Attempting to make this metaphorical to my life, like the sidebars I spontaneously sprinkle in my conversation, there are sidebars that spontaneously come into my life and disrupt it. But I choose the word “disrupt” in the most respectful way possible. I know it has a somewhat negative connotation but things happen, life happens, life gets disrupted. It’s nothing bad, it’s just life. Life goes on after sidebars just like my conversation. (Is that confusing enough for you?)
As I had mentioned earlier, Hannah and I are about to embark on a tour around Texas (cc: the “Texas Forever” Tour). We have been planning for months, making lists, and tweaking maps. But alas, a sidebar has come into my life and we have to postpone this trip. PTL that I have great friends who are understanding.
That was a little sidebar of sorts because this is the actual vulnerable part of my life: the sidebar that has spontaneously come is my mom. She didn’t just come into my life, but the help she needs from me is something of spontaneity. For those close to me, y’all know she has been recovering from a gastric ulcer. It’s interesting because I was actually having a problem with prioritizing and then this sidebar came in and rumbled my priorities into perspective. Some might call this sidebar a sign but I digress.
It’s been a hell of a summer and I’m not just talking about the 1000-degree-heat. With school, two internships, the fear of growing up, friends, etc etc – prioritizing has been something I’ve been working on but struggling with especially these past 2 months. Never had I piled on a plate so full, never had I thought I would make it to the other side. It’s hard prioritizing, y’all. What is summer supposed to be like? All work? All play? What are we entitled to do? Are we entitled at all? Transitioning into adulthood, everything becomes blurry. I wanted to go on vacation, but I also hated taking off work. I wanted to go to $1 beer Wednesday’s, but I was too tired, did that make me lame? I wanted so badly to go on this road trip, but does that make me a bad daughter?
I love my mom. I would do anything for her, but when she asked me to help her, I was frustrated and disappointed. Priorities blurred. It was a rough decision because I wanted to compromise. Sometimes sidebars aren’t meant for compromise though, sometimes they’re meant to shake you and ask you to adapt.